My Inner Judge: Please state your infraction.
Me: I bought new boots.
IJ: I see.
Me: Which would be okay except I need new underwear. I need new socks. I need a new winter coat. And I need new winter boots.
IJ: The boots you bought were winter boots?
Me: They were fashion boots. But they’re really nice!
IJ: They were on sale?
Me: No. But they look so good on me!
IJ: They were inexpensive?
Me: No. Kinda the opposite. They’re hand made. But they’re very good quality and a classic style…
IJ: Can they be returned?
Me: No. The store doesn’t take returns and I’ve already worn them.
IJ: Could you afford them?
Me: Um…. well, technically. But now I can’t afford any of the things I actually need.
IJ: In that case I have no option but to sentence you to six more months of saggy panties, holey socks, cold feet, and a tatty coat. Court adjourned.
And in related news… Canadians are spending $3,720 a year on impulse purchases. Top three impulse purchases for women? Clothing, dining out and yep, shoes.